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Author: Bella Story: Following the Natural Curve: Part One Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 19 Words: 59,310
Chapter Five Lily awoke the next morning with a plan formed in her head. She got up, dressed, and walked down into the common room to find Gwen, who wasn't in her bed. James was in his usual spot and he waved to her; she pretended she didn't notice (which made her heart thump sadly) and continued in her hunt. After a cursory look round common room (except in the corner where the Marauders were talking), Lily decided to search somewhere else. The force keeping her going was the almost, but not quite, irrational fear that if she didn't find Gwen things would never be the same again between them. Gwen had been Lily's first real friend; without Gwen, she would be a school-obsessed swot, and Lily knew it. She made her way over to the portrait hole and jumped a foot when someone's hand closed around her arm. She knew it was James, and her breath caught in her throat. "Lily?" She turned around slowly to face him. He looked as confused as she felt. "Hi, James – have you seen Gwen?" A flicker of – of something went through his eyes at her impersonal greeting. He dropped her arm like a hot coal. "No, not today." "Oh, all right, thanks, then," Lily said as steadily as she could, and she turned to climb through the portrait hole. "Wait, Lily," James blurted, and Lily turned around again. He blushed slightly but kept his eyes focused on her face. "I – erm – how – how are you?" Lily's heart was drumming against her chest, and she swallowed hard. "I'm fine," she said quietly. "I – I need to find Gwen." He stared at her for a long moment with his deep brown eyes before nodding in acquiescence. "Right, okay. I just, you know, wanted to talk for a bit. With you." Lily nodded back at him, her eyes focused on his left shoulder. "All right," she said with false brightness. "I'll talk to you later, then." He didn't say anything, just stared at her for a minute more before nodding again. "Later. Okay." Lily made a noncommittal noise and turned around. She had the strange feeling he was staring at her the whole time as she went down to the library. It was irritating, and she felt her temper shorten. After a few minutes of fruitless searching in the library, she stomped down into the entrance hall and stood for a moment, thinking. Where the hell was Gwen? There were only a few places she could be! Unless…. Lily wheeled around and pushed open the big front doors. She walked down the stone steps and stopped, surveying the beautiful grounds. The Quidditch pitch was clearly visible, and she could see that a lone person was speeding around the pitch on a broomstick. The long black hair gave away the identity of the flyer instantly, and Lily headed down to the pitch as quickly as she could. She was running through ways to start a conversation – assuming, of course, that Gwen did want to talk – and decided to start out casually and then work her way to the hard items. She hoped Gwen would catch on to what she really wanted to talk about. When she ran onto the pitch, Gwen was on the opposite side of the field (hopefully not intentionally) and Lily waved her arms and shouted, hoping to get her attention. She seemed to move in slow motion as she turned, recognized Lily, and flew over to her, landing gracefully a safe distance away. She didn't move, and Lily cleared her throat nervously. "Em…. I – I just wanted to come and…." Gwen remained silent, apparently immune to Lily's pathetic attempt at starting a conversation. "I wanted to ask if – if you were, erm, okay? And I also wanted to just say that I – I hate it when you're mad at me, and I really hope that we can work something out between us because you're my best friend, and like I said, I hate it when we argue and-" "Lily, it's okay." Lily stopped talking abruptly. She had been blathering on like a mindless idiot, and she had just been saved from blurting out something very stupid and potentially embarrassing. "Oh. All right, then." Gwen gave her a tiny smile and shook her head. "I was thinking that we should work this out as well. I hate arguing with you, too." Lily's face broke into a relieved smile. "That's great to hear, Gwen. I'll do anything, really." "Me too." They paused, smiling at each other dumbly, before Gwen cleared her throat and looked down. "I just wanted to say-" "I hope that you're-" They stopped short and laughed. "You go," she told Lily. "No, you." Gwen shrugged, still smiling, and said, "I just wanted to say that it was silly for me to overreact like that. You've hated James for so long – how could a few weeks change that? I realized how completely mad it was for me to think that you liked him more than as a friend. Which I'm really glad you are; I mean, you know? Friends." Lily's stomach had slowly been sinking during Gwen's rush of words, though she kept her confused thoughts separate from the smile plastered onto her face. "Yes, friends. Just friends." Gwen beamed happily. "What did you want to say, then?" Lily had been about to say, "I hope that you're okay with James and me," but decided that she didn't want to anymore for reasons she didn't care to think about. "Nothing," she told her best friend, going forward to hug her. "Nothing at all." ~*~*~*~* Lily found, as time progressed, that if she pretended that time on the pitch with James hadn't happened then she actually started to believe it. The stupid way her heart leapt whenever she happened to glance at him and how she found herself unable to breathe when he looked at her with his piercing eyes during their weekly meeting (and other times when he though she didn't notice him) she dismissed as silly, meaningless teenage hormones. But she couldn't as easily dismiss the feeling of emptiness and despair that stole over her when he stopped looking and stopped going out of his way to speak to her. She convinced herself that she was doing the right thing – it was for Gwen. Still, her "silly, meaningless teenage hormones" had a mind of their own. When she was on her way to the classroom of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Jones, for an extra test review session and was so caught up in a novel she had found in the library that she didn't realize she had entered into the wrong room, her senses went haywire. She had managed to walk in on James and a Hufflepuff with bright red hair named Laura Erwin, and they certainly hadn't been studying. She didn't know why it hit her so hard. Of course James had girlfriends – had she expected him to keep pining over her like he had (according to Gwen) for nearly all of their years at Hogwarts? The second Lily stepped off the Hogwarts Express for the Easter break and spotted her parents, her mother knew something was wrong. "Are you all right, dearest?" she asked worriedly, pulling back from their hug and smoothing Lily's hair back from her forehead as she had done so many times in the past. Suddenly, within the comforting safety of her mother's arms, Lily felt that her floodgates were about to burst. "Bob, fetch a trolley, will you?" Mrs. Evans instructed her husband quickly, "Lily and I will meet you at the car." Mr. Evans obeyed with only slight hesitation. Mrs. Evans escorted her youngest daughter out of King's Cross Station and to the car as speedily as she could. Only then, when they were both in the back seat and away from the curious gazes of her schoolmates, did Lily let herself burst into tears. When she had caught her breath after a few solid minutes of crying, she tried to answer Mrs. Evans's worried queries as best as she could and as far away from the truth as she could manage without giving herself away. Mrs. Evans skeptically bought the N.E.W.T. excuse (and Lily threw in the now almost ancient fight with Gwen for good measure) and said no more about her daughter's curious outburst when Mr. Evans arrived at the car. She instead chatted happily about Petunia's wedding plans. "You'll be fitted for your gown on Tuesday, like I said in the letter I wrote, and did you know that Petty's decided on pink and yellow for the bridesmaids?" Lily, who had been listening with half her ear while staring out the window and making occasional noises of interest, turned her whole attention to her mother. "What? Petunia's decided on yellow and pink?" Mrs. Evans grimaced slightly and turned around to look at Lily. "Darling, her other three bridesmaids are brunettes and Sarah, of course, is a blond. I know you don't like those colors, but I bet these gowns will surprise you! Petty really was concerned, but she so wanted pink and yellow, and I couldn't argue….Are you terribly upset?" Lily shrugged. "It's Petunia's wedding, not mine," she said resignedly. Her father chuckled. "What a good sport, sacrificing yourself for your sister," he teased. Lily couldn't help but smile at him in the rearview mirror, even though she knew positively that, while Petunia probably really had liked the gowns, a large part of choosing them had been because pink and yellow certainly weren't Lily's colors. Lily shuddered slightly; she could only imagine what confection Petunia would force her into. Mrs. Evans patted Lily's knee. "It's so wonderful to have you back, love. The house is so empty nowadays." Lily smiled at her and cleared her throat. "When's the big day, then? I forgot." Mrs. Evans frowned slightly. "Darling, I've told you at least three times – August twentieth." Lily stared at her. "But, Mum, it's only April." "Yes, I know!" "Why couldn't I have been fitted for my gown in June?" "Because, darling, that wouldn't leave nearly enough time for alterations. We've only got four more months!" "Four months, eleven days, and…half an hour, to be exact," Mr. Evans interjected. "Petty's been keeping a countdown." Lily had to resist rolling her eyes. Her wedding (if she ever got married) certainly wouldn't involve a countdown of any sort. "We had a spot of trouble finding a partner for you, Lily," her mother was saying, "but it just so happens that Vernon has a cousin your age! Isn't that lucky?" Lily paled as an image of a younger Vernon Dursley popped into her head, and she had to resist the urge to throw up the Cauldron Cake and numerous Chocolate Frogs she had consumed on the train. "Have you, er, met him, Mum?" Mrs. Evans read her child's brain. "Now, Lily, I know Vernon isn't exactly your cup of tea, but he's such a charming young man-" "Mum … have. You. Met. The cousin." Mrs. Evans pursed her lips. "I don't appreciate your attitude, young lady-" "We have," Mr. Evans said solemnly from the driver's seat. "He and Vernon could be brothers." Lily groaned and dropped her head into her hands as Mrs. Evans said sharply, "Bob, that isn't funny!" and Mr. Evans burst out laughing. "Stop it, both of you! Lily, James is a very nice young man, if a bit-" "His name is James?" Lily interrupted, her head jerking up from her hands, suddenly alert. Mrs. Evans fell silent, and by the flash of understanding that passed through her blue eyes, Lily knew she understood that Lily's "breakdown" had something to do with James Potter. Hopefully she thought they still hated each other. Lily frantically searched her brain to try and remember if she had written anything about her and James's brief friendship in any owls to her mother. Mrs. Evans cleared her throat and began talking about other aspects of the wedding, and Lily didn't even try to pretend she was listening. By the time they pulled into the driveway an hour later, Lily was convinced that the fact that her date's name was James was a sign. She couldn't (didn't want to) figure out what the sign meant. The next day, Sunday, the Evans family dressed in their best, went to the customary Easter Sunday service at church, and then drove ten minutes to the home of Janice and Edward Dursley for brunch. Lily scowled horribly at her mother as they got out of the car, and each carrying a dish of something, walked up the extremely tidy front walk and rang the bell. Brunch with the Dursley family had been sprung upon Lily very late the previous night, and suffice to say, Lily wasn't very excited about it. Sarah and her perfect fiancé would be making appearances and Lily would meet her partner, James. How exciting. Luckily, Grandmummy was also slated to be there, so Lily would have someone with whom to talk. Hopefully James wouldn't be too interested in her- "Petty!" Petunia had answered the door. Her blond hair was immaculate and her peach suit was perfectly matched, down to the orangey-pink fingernail polish. The hulking form of Vernon hovered behind her. Any doubts Lily had about the gowns being chosen by Petunia on purpose were immediately extinguished when Petunia threw her arms around her younger sister and whispered with considerable venom into her ear, "So sorry about the gown, Lily dearest, but you'll survive, right?" "How precious!" Mrs. Evans was exclaiming as she watched her two daughters embracing from the front hall. She absently kissed Vernon on the cheek, eyes pinned on the two, and beamed at Lily and Petunia. "You both should spend more time together, I think." It was all Lily could do to keep from shoving Petunia down the front steps and running all the way to Gwen's house. Somehow she managed not to, even though she was forced to meet Petunia's future mother- and father-in-law – both were the size of blimps; Mr. Dursley's weight even surpassed that of his son (a feat Lily hadn't considered possible) – and subjected to snide comments made by Sarah about where Lily would be attending university the following year. Perhaps the most horrible relative Lily had to meet, however, was Vernon's sister, and one of Petunia's bridesmaids, Marge. She was at least three-quarters Vernon's size and had a mustache to boot. A handbag the size of a large suitcase was hanging on her arm; Lily noticed with alarm that the "handbag" was moving of its own accord. Marge shook Lily's hand so hard Lily felt the bones grind together, but she didn't cry out. Marge looked at her appraisingly for a moment before saying in a fittingly low, loud voice, "Got any dogs, Lily?" Lily couldn't help it when her eyebrows shot up. "Erm – no. No, I haven't." Marge grunted in contempt. "Got seven myself. Wonderful creatures. Brought my favorite." And she withdrew from her enormous handbag a hulking bulldog; it had drool running down its chin and large, protruding teeth. The dog growled at Lily, who took a step backwards. Marge shook the dog and said loudly, "Now, Killer, I won't take any of your nonsense, d'you hear? You can pet him, if you want," she barked at Lily. Lily cleared her throat and reached a hesitating hand out to Killer's head. The dog bared its fangs in a growl, and Lily jerked her hand back quickly. Marge frowned at her dog. "Must be feeling out of temper," she muttered. "Pardon me, Lily," she told the redhead and walked briskly towards the door. Lily shuddered and took refuge behind the food table, praying no one would come and talk to her. The moment Grandmummy arrived Lily abandoned her food and attached herself to the sprightly old woman for the remainder of the party. The only time she had to leave her side was to meet James. Lily was tall; she towered over most girls – except Gwen, who was her height – but rarely ever boys her age, and yet she found she was easily a head higher than James Price, Mrs. Dursley's nephew. The shocking thing about it was James was a first-year student at university, two years older than Lily, who would have put him at around thirteen if pressed. He was nice enough, though, and obviously not very interested in Lily, which was how she preferred it. She had to smile when she rejoined her grandmother. "If you marry him, Lily Marie, I'll have your head," Grandmummy said almost mildly as she bit into a delicate tea sandwich. Lily looked at her grandmother, lips twitching. "Really? I think he's quite fetching, Grandmummy." Grandmummy shook her head, her green eyes sparkling, and laid a dry, wrinkly hand on Lily's knee. "You deserve much better, darling," she said, and patted the knee before going back to her plate of food. Lily wondered unconsciously if James Potter would pass her test and instantly clapped a hand to her mouth, horrified. What had brought that on? The following Tuesday, Lily was woken up by a very excited Mrs. Evans and force-fed toast and jam before being hurried into the car. This was the day Lily would get to see her dress. She went into the posh bridal store with a determined cheeriness; it didn't matter what the dress looked like. It wasn't as though Lily would be showing it to anyone she knew. She greeted her sister with a genuine smile and then saw… it. It was worse than she ever could have imagined. Petunia smiled sweetly for the benefit of Mrs. Evans and Mrs. Dursley, who were in paroxysms of delight, as she held the dress out to her younger sibling. Lily could do nothing but stare at it in horror. It was silk, short, and had a fluffy skirt of bright pink. Truly horrible yellow lace was laid over the bright pink, and the sleeves were impossibly pink and puffy with a yellow bow on each shoulder. The satin pumps were dyed to match the yellow. Overall, it made Lily want to puke – or throw herself off a cliff. The three mad women, plus Sarah and the other bridesmaids (Marge Dursley and a giggly brunette that Petunia knew from university), pushed Lily into a dressing room and locked her in, calling for her to try it on. Lily slowly undressed and pulled the hideous monstrosity on. She waited until she couldn't bear their whining – "Lily, hurry up!" "You're spoiling the fun, Lily!" – and the barking of Marge's dog anymore before pushing open the door. Five women, all of them except Petunia, blinked at her before plastering very phony smiles on their faces. The bride-to-be smiled smugly and marched up to her sister to fix the lace overlay. "It looks fabulous on you, Lils!" she exclaimed, and the others made similar noises of fake agreement. Mrs. Evans tucked a stray piece of hair behind Lily's ear and fluffed the bow on her left shoulder. "With your hair down, I think you'll look positively stupendous!" Sarah was gushing. She pushed Lily towards the mirror; it was all Lily could do not to throw up at her reflection. She looked like a cherry cupcake. "Don't you like it, Lily?" Petunia asked, feigning a wounded look. Mrs. Evans gave Lily an unmistakable glare of warning, and Lily forced herself to smile. "It couldn't be more perfect, Petunia." ~*~*~*~* "Lils?" Lily started violently and clapped a hand to her heart as she whipped her head around. "Oh, Gwen, it's just you."
Lily was seated in a comfortable chair in the family room reading one of her favorite childhood books – Little Women – with her trunk and various packages clustered in a corner in preparation for her journey back to school the next day. Since the two had just seen each other the day before, Lily's brows creased. "No, I haven't got anything to do. Is everything all right, Gwen?" Gwen perched on the nearby sofa and kicked off her shoes. "Yes. No. Oh God, I dunno," she sighed, rubbing her forehead. Lily got up from her chair and sat beside her friend, looking at her curiously as she folded her legs beneath her. "Did the family thing go all right?" Gwen shook her head. "It's almost been three months since Uncle Will died, did you know? And so it wasn't the liveliest of dinners….But then, they never really are….Oh God, I'm just going to come right out and say it – Sirius kissed me." Lily's jaw dropped. "What?" "We just – Oh, Lily, I don't know what happened! One minute we were talking, the next-" She shrugged helplessly. "Well – I – what – did you push him away?" Lily spluttered. Gwen and Sirius? But they couldn't stand each other! Gwen's eyes sparkled and a reluctant grin broke out on her face. "No, not exactly." Lily's eyebrows shot to the ceiling as her mouth dropped to the floor. All she could do was gape at her best friend and take in her happily stunned expression. "I don't hate him anymore," Gwen added, and reached over to push Lily's chin up. Lily shut her mouth with a snap and slowly lowered her eyebrows. "I – well, I don't – I don't really know what to say, Gwen. You've always been mad, but this takes the cake." Gwen was entirely unruffled by the insult. "I know. It just – it felt really, you know, right. Like I was supposed to be standing there kissing him all my life. You won't tell, will you?" Lily shook her head and was about to ask another question when a thought struck her so hard her head spun. "But – what about-" "James?" Gwen asked, raising one black eyebrow. "That's the thing, Lily. I don't think I like him anymore. He's, well, not Sirius." All Lily could do was stare at her. "But – but you're in love with James." Gwen shook her head. "I'm not. Not anymore. Hell, I don't know if I ever was. I mean, it's not like we ever kissed or anything; he's never been interested in me." She fixed Lily with a level gaze. "It's always been you." Lily swallowed convulsively. Gwen took a deep breath. "Which brings me to the next part of this – the apology." Lily started to hold up her hand and tell her not to, but Gwen cut her off sharply. "Stop. I need to apologize. I've been a selfish prat, Lily. I can tell as plain as day that you like him, and I was so jealous that he liked you back that I couldn't stand it. All I can do is say I'm so, so sorry and hope that you don't hate me. I would hate me if I were you." Lily smiled. "It's okay, Gwen. Really, it is." Gwen looked at her doubtfully. "You always say that, even when it's obviously not okay. Tell me the truth, Lily." Lily shrugged and looked down. "I'm as confused as you, Gwen. I just – I don't know." "I'm terrified to face Sirius again," Gwen confided solemnly. "I'm scared he'll say, 'Oops, sorry, it was a mistake, I've got a girlfriend,' and that'll be that." Lily shook her head, but inside her heart was soaring. Gwen didn't like James anymore. But what, then, could Lily do about it? She'd practically ignored him and then there'd been the run in with him and Laura Erwin. Gwen was looking at her shrewdly. "It's okay, Lily, if you're worried about anything. I'm pretty sure James is still, you know…." Lily looked at her best friend, dangerously close to blurting out the scene she'd witnessed in Professor Jones's room. She hadn't told Gwen (or anyone, for that matter) before because she'd thought it would upset her too much. But now…. "I walked in on him. He and that Hufflepuff, Laura. They were…you know." Realization dawned in Gwen's blue eyes, only to be quickly replaced by confusion. "Oh. I – well….I'm sure it was just…." Lily shrugged, feigning indifference, though she had been hoping against hope that Gwen would be able to dismiss the incident as nothing. "Well, I say, who needs boys anyway?" Gwen said with a rather strained smile. Lily forced a laugh and said, "I don't know. Not me." ~*~*~*~* "Lily?" Lily jerked out of her thoughts and shook her head. She'd been staring down at her piece of parchment, trying to build up the courage to tell James something – anything – that would let him know that she hadn't given up on him. That she hoped he hadn't given up on her. They were sitting in the library at their usual table, discussing the usual things for their Wednesday meeting. Lily wondered with a flush how long he'd been trying to get her attention; he was staring at her as if she'd grown horns. "Sorry. I was just, erm, thinking." He remained distant, like he had since their little talk on the pitch. Her heart fluttered madly when he reached up to push a lock of black hair away from his face. Not that her heart wasn't fluttering insanely anyway from just sitting across from him. When he made no move to speak, Lily cleared her throat and asked casually, "How was your holiday?" He shrugged. "It was pretty good. What about yours?" he asked politely. She was dying to see him smile. "Well," she began with a straight face, "I met my escort to my sister's wedding." One of his eyebrows raised just a fraction. "Did you?" he asked. She hoped he was more interested than he sounded. "I did," she confirmed. "He's quite a looker." Now his eyebrows definitely rose, and a glimmer of something flashed through his eyes. "Is he?" "Yes. Well, if you like four-foot-tall blokes with three chins, that is." His lips turned up slowly into a smile and he seemed to relax. "I see. And do you like four-foot-tall blokes with three chins?" Oh, dear heaven, he was flirting with her. "No, I prefer them to have four chins myself." His smile increased – it could almost be called a grin – and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes sparkling. "And what, pray tell, is this godly male specimen's name?" "James, actually," Lily said, and her own face broke out into a smile. His eyes widened behind his glasses and his smile turned incredulous. "Is it really?" Lily nodded. "I swear," she said, laying a hand solemnly over her heart. "And this is for your sister's wedding?" Lily rolled her eyes. It felt good to be able to roll them instead of suppressing the urge, which is what she'd had to do over the holiday whenever anyone started yammering on about the upcoming nuptials. "Unfortunately, yes. I have the honor of being a bridesmaid; my wonderfully caring sister decided to choose the ugliest possible gowns for me and my fellow sufferers." Lily wrinkled her nose in distaste. James opened his mouth to say something, seemed to change his mind, and shut it again. He cleared his throat before speaking. "When is she getting married?" "Not 'til August. Why I couldn't have waited to be fitted for my dress after school's over I still don't understand." Lily shook her head. James chuckled. "Did you see Gwen a lot?" Lily tensed involuntarily. "A bit," she answered, not meeting his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, and his tone – curiously concerned – caused her eyes to dart up to meet his. She was about to say that nothing was wrong, everything was fine, but at that moment his leg brushed against hers under the table and she froze as a bolt of electricity shot through her. She decided she couldn't ignore it anymore. "I – yes, actually, something's wrong." She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at him. "I want to apologize." He frowned and Lily could tell he understood where she was going. "There's nothing to apologize about." "There is," she said firmly. "I … ignored you. Which isn't what I wanted, really, but it's just – I thought …. Gwen told me she liked you. That she had for ages, and I didn't want to…." Oh, bollocks, why is this so hard? He was staring at her with dawning comprehension. "And so you ignored me because you thought she would get upset?" Lily swallowed, blushing. "Yeah." "And Gwen – she likes me?" His tone was incredulous. Lily was glad to get the subject away from herself. "Not anymore. She and Sirius – oh, no!" Lily said, clapping a hand over her mouth. Gwen had told her not to tell. James gaped at her. "Gwen and Sirius what?" Lily shook her head, hands still clamped over her mouth. "I told her I wouldn't tell," she said, her voice muffled. James, however, wasn't listening; he was staring at her with incredulous amusement, and his eyes were glimmering mischievously. He slowly shook his head and grinned. "That devil. He kissed her, didn't he?" Lily lowered her hands in defeat. "Yes. Well, they kissed each other." "Where was this, now?" His grin was infectious. "In your house, actually. Day before yesterday." James burst out laughing. "No wonder – no wonder! They left to go find some brooms so we could play and came back looking like they'd run a marathon. Dear God, and I didn't even suspect-" A very funny mental picture of Gwen and Sirius, their hair mussed and faces red, appearing before James and telling him they'd found the brooms surfaced in Lily's brain as she laughed along with him. "Mr. Potter, Miss Evans! Really, I expected better of two such model students!" Madam Porter, the librarian, was looming over them, her plump face an odd color of puce as she wrinkled it up to yell at them. "If you cannot behave as the rules of the library dictate – which is, of course, to be quiet – then I must ask you to kindly leave!" Lily and James didn't look at each other as they gathered their materials and hurried out of the library, but once outside, they burst into laughter again. "Oh, God," James gasped, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as they calmed down, "I haven't laughed so much in ages." Laughter was escaping Lily in short bursts, and she, too, had to blot at her eyes. "I've never been kicked out of the library before." James grinned at her sideways. "You haven't lived until you've been kicked out of the library," he told her, eyes sparkling. "So, where do we go from here?" she asked, trying to straighten out her wrinkled robes. During the short pause that followed her question, heat flooded into Lily's face and she realized her question had a double meaning. She'd meant it literally, but now, as she looked up into his face, she wasn't quite sure how she wanted him to respond. "D'you – d'you want to talk more?" he asked abruptly, and Lily broke their eye contact as she came to her senses. She'd been lost for a moment – hopelessly lost – in his eyes, and she had found herself wondering what it would be like to- "Hey, Lily!" Lily closed her eyes briefly and stifled a moan. Great! Just lovely! Mary Katherine had perfect timing. Lily turned around slowly, managed a smile (which she knew probably looked more like a grimace), and watched as Mary Katherine jogged up to her. She heard James shift uncomfortably behind her. "Oh, what luck! Were you just leaving?" Mary Katherine asked as she drew even with the pair. Her eyes glanced behind Lily and then she did an obvious double-take. "James?" She looked back at Lily incredulously. "We were just coming back from our Head Boy-Head Girl meeting," Lily said; her tone sounded guilty to her own ears, and she wondered how it sounded to his. "Ohhhh, right," Mary Katherine said, nodding. She smiled and shook her head. "I thought for a second you two were hanging out or something! How stupid!" Lily's laugh was so very false that she almost winced after it came out of her mouth. She had to force herself not to turn around and look at James's expression. "So, what did you need, then?" "I wanted to go over that charm we learned in class today!" Mary Katherine said brightly. "I really don't understand – are the words Twinkle twinket? Because that's what I thought, but Dorcas said it was Twinkle twinklet and I wanted to make sure before I tried it, you know, and I also don't think I'm flicking my wrist at the right angle-" "Yes. Right. Okay, I'll help you. Just – go ahead into the library, I'll be there in a second," Lily interrupted firmly. "Great!" Mary Katherine nodded, looking slightly suspicious, and headed into the library. Lily turned to James. "Erm, I suppose we can talk later." James looked at her for a moment. "Tonight, I think, would be best." Lily's heart skipped. "Where? The common room?" James shook his head. "We'd give them all a heart attack. No, I'll meet you on the seventh floor, down that corridor with the troll tapestry?" Lily nodded, trying to keep her emotions under control. "I can find it." "What, you've never been there?" Lily grinned at his teasing tone. "Shut it, Potter! But no, I haven't." James grinned back at her and his hand moved slightly as if to touch her, but just as quickly, it dropped back to his side. "That doesn't surprise me at all, Evans." Lily returned to the library with a silly smile on her face – one she knew was a bit too obvious – but she couldn't shake it off. She found Mary Katherine and carefully re-taught her the charm they'd learned in class that day – one to make inanimate objects light up; it was mostly used if one's wand wasn't giving off enough light, and fairly complicated – while trying to hide her impatience. Thankfully, Mary Katherine was not dumb, just confused, and she caught on to the charm quickly enough. They were soon walking back up to Gryffindor Tower, and Mary Katherine was chatting away about her break while Lily was thinking of ways to get rid of her. When they came to the top of the stairs on the seventh floor, with the statue of Lachlan the Lanky right before them and the portrait hole on the left, Lily stopped. "Hey, MK, go ahead, will you? I'm just going to – erm – take a peek at these portraits over here." She gestured vaguely to the right side of the hall. Mary Katherine said cheerfully, "Oh, I'll go with you!" Lily swallowed. "Actually, erm, I just sort of, you know, want to be alone just now," she said, whispering slightly and trying to look as if she were troubled about something. Mary Katherine, who had lived with Lily and her terrible acting for seven years, looked at her shrewdly. "You know, you could just come out and say it." Lily looked at her quickly. "Say what?" Mary Katherine heaved a sigh. "Lily, no one's going to think any less of you because you're talking to James Potter." Lily felt her face heat terribly. "I – I'm not – I just wanted to – to look at the-" Mary Katherine clapped her friend on the back before turning and heading towards the Fat Lady. "Don't stay out too late," she called over her shoulder before saying the password and disappearing into the common room. Lily watched her go, struck by what Mary Katherine had said – not about staying out too late, but how no one would think less of her if she talked to James. That wasn't what she felt, was it? She wasn't afraid of talking to James because of her popularity, was she? Lily shook her head vehemently. No, she didn't care about her popularity. She was just – not ready to let people know she and James were friends. If they even were friends. James might tell her tonight that he didn't want to talk to her again because of how she'd ignored him, and it wouldn't surprise her one bit. Well, maybe it would. She turned slowly around so she was facing in the other direction. The corridor before her came to a dead-end, and only one small door led off of it. Lily, her hands sweaty, chose this door and pushed through. A dimly lit, very small corridor greeted her, with a nothing but a human-sized vase on one end, a window on the other, and a tapestry on the right wall. Nothing else. Well, it wasn't the nicest place to meet, but at least it was private. But where was James? Lily decided she would just wait for a moment and stepped up to study the old tapestry. It moved, as did most of the tapestries in the school, and soon she found herself transfixed. It was without doubt the silliest thing she'd ever seen (and Hogwarts had its fair share of silly tapestries); it depicted a man trying to teach – were those trolls?– how to ballet dance. She moved forward to read the old writing; apparently the man was called Barnabas the Barmy. How very appropriate. "Mad, isn't he?" Lily jumped two feet in the air and whirled around, pressing her hand to her heart. She hadn't heard James come in. "Don't do that!" He grinned. "Did I catch you unawares? Now I know why you're so terrible at Defense Against the Dark Arts." Lily stared at him for a moment before cracking a smile. "You know, I think you're right," she said. "No one's ever told me anything like that." "What, the truth?" he asked teasingly. "Not so bluntly." "Maybe I should do it more often, then." Lily smiled as her face heated at his tone, and she had to avert her eyes. She positioned them over his shoulder and gasped. She was staring at a door that was situated in the wall where it had been blank before. "What – how-" James turned around and went to the door. "Welcome, Miss Evans, to the Room of Requirement," he said with a bow, before flinging the door open. Lily gasped in surprise and walked hesitatingly into it. It was a very ordinary room but for the startling color of forest green – rather like the color of Lily's eyes – everything seemed to be: the couches, the carpets, the poufs, and even the walls. The green was complemented by the white bunches of flowers everywhere – white lilies, actually. James closed the door behind her and said a bit sheepishly, "Er – d'you like it?" Lily smiled and turned to him in wonderment. "How did you make it appear?" "You walk past that blank stretch of wall three times, wishing really hard for a place to go, and then it appears with whatever you needed inside it." "Extraordinary," Lily breathed. She went over to the bookshelf and read the spines of the books before quickly stepping away and averting her eyes, flushing. All of them were gardening books about the care and treatment of lilies. "Erm, sorry," James said. "Got a bit carried away, I suppose…." He gallantly plucked one of the flowers from a nearby vase and handed it to her; she accepted it with a smile and a rapidly beating heart before sitting down on a comfy, green couch. "How long have you known about it?" she asked, looking around the room more, idly stroking the silky petals of the white lily in her lap. James shrugged and sat down beside her on the couch, causing her breath to hitch and her heart to skip several beats. "Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I found it in – what was it, fourth year? We'd been browsing the library and Peter found a little tiny book wedged in between some others – they'd stuffed it in the restricted section – but anyway, it was all about this room and how to activate it." "I see. And what were you lot doing in the restricted section?" James smiled mysteriously. "Oh, we go in there a lot." "Let me guess – in the middle of the night, under your Invisibility Cloak?" "Actually, we haven't been able to fit under that thing all together since second year. Sirius and I can barely fit under there together nowadays." That didn't surprise Lily at all. She remembered how close it had been under the cloak with uncomfortable clarity. "So, besides trying on frocks and meeting wedding escorts, what else did you do over the holiday?" Lily shook her head. "I stayed at home, mostly. Went to the cinema a few times with some of my old Muggle friends. Oh, and spent time with Gwen, of course." "I wonder when Sirius is planning on telling me," James mused wryly. Lily understood that they were back to The Kiss. "Are you sure it's their first time?" "Snogging, you mean? I think so. Gwen would have told me if they'd, you know, done anything before." The two continued talking about things, darting around what they really wanted to discuss and settling instead on school work, plans for the summer, Quidditch, and when the next Hogsmeade weekend would be. "And I think the next prefect meeting is next week – proper conduct in the hallways or something like that." Lily nodded. "That ought to be fascinating," she remarked dryly, and James chuckled. "Hey, what time is it?" James looked down at his watch and winced. "Oops." Lily grabbed his wrist and yanked it towards her, trying to read the face. "What do you mean, oops? Oh…." It was almost eleven. "Well, at least we didn't fall asleep this time." Lily dropped his wrist faster than a hot poker as she remembered herself and stood up. "We should get back." He stood up too. "We should." Neither of them moved. "What – er, what else did you do over break?" she asked after a pause. He swallowed and stepped a tiny bit closer. Lily wondered if he could hear her heart. "Nothing." "Oh," she stammered. Her whole being was concentrated on the person before her; she was suddenly aware of everything about him. She felt like she could read his thoughts by just staring into his brown eyes. James broke the silence a moment later. "Can I kiss you?" he asked quietly. "Oh," Lily said in surprise, her heart stopping and then starting again abruptly with alarming speed. She swallowed hard. "Erem, well, yes, I suppose-" He took her hands before cutting off her babbling firmly with his mouth. Lily gasped sharply (through her nose, of course) and her eyes fell shut automatically. She was gripping his hands as if she would fall without them; she tried to loosen her grip and felt her body sway and her knees lock ominously. James laughed softly against her mouth and, without detaching their lips, grabbed Lily firmly by the waist with a strong arm and put his other hand on the back of her neck. Lily's own hands were left awkwardly smushed between them, and after a moment's hesitation, she put her palms up so they were resting lightly on his chest. The kiss was tentative, more of a test than anything else, but it was still mind-numbing. It couldn't have lasted more than fifteen seconds, but when he pulled back and as she gulped for air, Lily decided she needed to do that more often. Her hands were shaking, and she felt suddenly very faint when James released her waist and took a step backwards. He looked as shaken as she felt. "You – I – we-" "Yes – it – my-" They both stopped speaking abruptly, Lily flushing hotly at her momentary speechlessness. They stood for a long moment, staring at each other, before James muttered, "Bloody hell," and dove for her mouth again. After the initial alarm she experienced when their lips met again, Lily felt braver and moved her arms up so they were around his neck. The shock that went through them both as he put his arms tightly around her waist and pulled her to him was startling; they matched up perfectly together. As she threaded her fingers through his dark hair, she decided that she never, ever, ever, ever wanted this to end. But it had to. A nagging presence in the shape of a red-headed Hufflepuff named Laura formed in the back of her mind and she forced herself to pull back. As she shook her head, looking down at the floor, she tried to get her breath back. "No, no, no, we can't, we can't-" "Why not?" James's voice was hoarse and so full of emotion Lily felt tears spring to her eyes. He put his hand under her chin and lifted it up until she was looking at him straight in the eyes. His glasses were askew and his hair was nearly on end, but to Lily, he had never looked more handsome. Her eyes darted down to his mouth; it was swollen and red, like her own probably was, and she felt another wave of desire wash over her, but she forced herself to focus. "Because, James, because – I – I saw you, in the classroom-" He froze slightly. "In what classroom?" Lily swallowed. His hand still held her chin, so she couldn't look away. "I walked in on you once, accidentally," she told him, her voice catching. "Before break. With that Hufflepuff, Laura." He dropped her chin but continued to hold her gaze. "That was you?" His tone was guarded. Lily's heart was aching. "Yes, it was," she said quietly. Her mind was starting to wonder if James had held Laura Erwin the same way he held her now, if Laura Erwin's knees went as weak as Lily's did whenever he looked at her, if she really had thought he truly cared for her- "I'm sorry you had to see that." "It didn't look like you were too sorry at the time," Lily said, and she couldn't help the edge of bitterness that crept into her voice. She regretted saying it the second it came out of her mouth; he stepped away from her, wounded. "I thought nothing would come of us," he said slowly. "You were ignoring me, in case you've forgotten." "I'm sorry, that didn't come out how I meant it," she said quietly. "Let me start again. Are you still seeing her?" He held her eyes as he slowly and meaningfully shook his head. "It was nothing. I know that's a little trite, but it really wasn't anything. She offered and I took it." Lily swallowed. "All right. But I still….I still don't know if this-" she gestured awkwardly to both of them "- is right. I mean – have the Head Boy and Head Girl ever, you know, been together like this?" "Does it matter?" "And the others – what will the students say?" Lily asked, changing her tact. He was still looking at her levelly. "Do you really care?" Lily's next words died on her lips. She realized that if this was real – the feelings she was experiencing by being so near to him and kissing him like that – then she didn't care about anything. He must have seen her softening, because he cupped her face with both hands, thumbs gently stroking her cheeks. "It doesn't matter, Lily," he said quietly. "I care for you, Lily – a lot, more than I can say, and I've waited for so long….And there's no way you can say you don't feel anything for me after that. I'm not – I'm not letting you go." He pulled her against him, holding her as gently as he would a crystal vase, and Lily realized that if she did fall in love with James Potter, there was nothing anything or anyone could do about it – not even herself.
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